I don’t need to tell anyone reading this that we’re in a turbulent time, both socially and politically. In fact, I suspect we’re all sick to death of how turbulent the times are these days. Taking this into consideration, how do we find solid ground, peace of mind, and security amid these stormy waters? I have a suggestion for your consideration: we fear that which we do not know, and we’re vulnerable to blame, anger, and unhappiness when we’re fearful. So what is one path forward to greater peace of mind? Get to know that which feels strange to us! If there is a group of people that feels weird, alien, threatening, or strange to you, what can be done to start seeing them as actual people with their own concerns and hopes? Be it people of another race, religion, orientation or identity than you, there IS common ground between you, and that commonality is the vulnerability of being human. All humans feel. What would it be like to recognize the pain of the “other?” Or happiness? What would it be like, instead of focusing on the way others are different from us, we were finding joy that we all might share?
Yup. Just people.
People living their lives, dreaming about the future, and worrying about daily challenges. The only difference is, they’re doing this as they navigate the reality of their healthcare, education, family structure, recreation, and personal identity being rapidly removed from their personal power. Other people are stepping in to take over these deeply personal decisions for them. Against their will, and against their best interest.
But the book isn’t a depressing sink into the misery of marginalized people. This is a book about how life continues, and hope perseveres. This is a book that looks closely at the personal loves, quirks, and hopes of real-life teenagers that are growing in the same way as cis and gender-conforming teenagers. This is a book about finding joy, and the way that joy stays alive in young people, despite the adult burdens some of them might be forced to carry.
If you haven’t ever met a trans person, or think you don’t know anyone who is different from you, this book is a safe, easy way to glimpse into the world of the “other.” On the inside flap of the book cover is a review from Maia Kobabe (yes, the one who wrote the infamous and oft-banned book Gender Queer) that says: “[w]ith humor and compassion, Lang shows trans teenagers as they really are: kids trying their best, day by day, to grow into their truest selves and fullest potential.”
For me, as the parent of a trans daughter, nothing has reassured me more than witnessing my daughter bloom into a happier, more social, more confident kid. Since her transition, she’s doing better in school. She’s getting along with her brother in new ways. She tells animated stories about her day. And (my favorite), she whistles while she gets dressed for school. She is finding joy in her life in ways I had only wished for before she transitioned.
But if you do not get to witness trans and non-binary people finding joy, it’s very easy to believe the dark rhetoric that invades our news feeds every day. Personal experience is the quickest way to see through rhetoric and make decisions based on real-life, experienced knowledge. You have the power to break through the barrier of the “other,” and the steps can be as small or large as feels comfortable to you.
American Teenager: How Trans Kids Are Surviving Hate and Finding Joy in a Turbulent Era is a fantastic place to start. I highly recommend it, not just for the sake of people who are “different,” but for the peace of mind, sense of safety, and well-being of anyone who thinks that they’re not.
And if you’re hoping to do a bit more exploration than reading a good book, please feel free to contact me! You can email me at [email protected], or even better, you can set up a complimentary, 20 minute consultation to explore the possibility of coaching. You can also schedule with me at Nurture Life Coaching. We can chat about what coaching is, how it can help you, and how you can move forward with compassionate support in your life. Whether your concerns are about gender issues, parenting, relationships, career or personal growth, we all move ahead in life faster when we’re not alone.
Until then, I’m sending wishes of happiness and well being to all!
