As we as parents and caregivers know, raising any kid keeps you on your toes. Right or wrong, we’re pretty much expected to be responsible for every aspect of our kids’ lives. Are they behaving “correctly” and is the world behaving “correctly” toward them? If not, what do we as responsible adults do to address the situation? We need to know when to be involved, when to be supportive, and when to stand up and get serious. Sometimes this means addressing our kids’ behaviors (as we all know too well) but sometimes it also means getting serious about addressing the behavior of the people surrounding our kids. Even though this can be scary, most of the time we can do this ourselves. Sometimes, however, we need support in advocacy.
As parents or caregivers to trans and non-binary kids, we see too often the ways that the world can be hostile to non-cis people. For our kids, school is the place they spend most of their time, and the school atmosphere they meet every day has a massive impact on their well-being and growth. Specifically, some of the main issues that families with trans/non-binary kids face in schools are:
- Bullying
- Bathroom use
- Name and pronoun use
- Sports participation
- Dress codes
All schools have (or need to have) policies about all of these potentially troublesome areas. This means that decisions have been made and published for parental and community access. It does not mean, however, that all principles, teachers, and students know and respect those policies. You as a parent have the right to see and understand those policies, and to make sure they’re being enforced.
There’s a ton of information on the web, of course. For example, here is a page from Portland Public Schools that discusses “safe and equitable access to facilities.” And if you’re wondering why school policies matter to students, here is a guidance document from the Oregon Department of Education about “creating a safe and supportive school environment for transgender students…to help K-12 schools synthesize state law, federal law, and best practices in order to support transgender students.”
Information is great to have, of course, and it armors us with facts when we have to step into our kids’ school and advocate for their rights. This is one kind of support in advocacy. There are also times when we need more help. Someone with ALL the information, and a ton of experience in standing up and making sure that policies are inclusive and enforced. Happily, we in Portland have someone who can help to offer support in advocacy!
Jenn Burleton has a long, long history of trans/non-binary education, support, and advocacy. Among many other actions, she founded Lewis and Clark’s TransActive Project in 2007. She has recently moved into independent education and consulting, and is a remarkable resource for many kinds of advocacy.
If your child is struggling with their rights at school and you don’t know what to do next, get in touch with Jenn! She is the person you need by your side if you need to march into the principal’s office and make sure your kids’ rights are respected in a way that allows your child to have the same dignity as the other students. She will help you understand the laws and policies, and then she’ll go in with you to make sure the people in the school know their laws and policies and are enforcing them. You don’t have to do this alone, Jenn can be your ultimate support in advocacy.
I truly hope that your child never needs this kind of advocacy. I hope everyone at your school treats your child with the same humanity that other children receive. If, however, this is not the case and a hostile school environment is making your child struggle with the daily responsibility of showing up and learning, you do not have to face it alone. Jenn is there to be your support in advocacy.
And if you need support for your own journey in becoming your kids’ greatest ally, I’m there for you! Whatever challenges you’re facing in connecting with and supporting your child, we can talk about it and find a way forward. Please don’t hesitate to book a complimentary, 20 minute consultation with me to see if coaching might be helpful for you. You can also find me at Nurture Life Coaching, for coaching on any topic.
Welcome back to school, everyone! May it be a year of growth, learning, and support!
