I don’t listen to a ton of podcasts, but as someone who loves to nerd out about how our brains work, I have really enjoyed The Hidden Brain with Shankar Vedantam. I listened to an older episode this morning, called How To Believe In Yourself. In this podcast, Shankar interviews Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. Adam wrote a book called Hidden Potential that explores how and why our brains get bogged down with obstacles. The episode is light, funny, and engaging, full of lots of jewels of information and perspective, but my favorite point was the point made at the very end: it’s not about performance, it’s about progress.
According to Professor Grant, there are several reasons we might not reach our goals. One, we never get started. Two, we start and then we get stuck. In this stuckness, we might get trapped by languishing, by perfectionism, by unreachable experts, or by being too hard on ourselves. This last one is something I’ve seen a lot: people feel that the only way through is to drive themselves hard and push themselves through anything to get to the finish line. Unfortunately, this method forgets a critical factor of success: the path to success is rarely linear! In reality, the path to success can be circular, wavy, jagged, and yes, it can involve going backwards at times. Often, we need to slow down in order to speed up.
So how does this relate to coaching? It relates a lot! I loved what Professor Grant says about experts; experts can’t tell you what to do because they’re not starting from the same place you’re starting. They might be an expert on a certain topic, but they are not experts on you. You are the one that best knows your strengths, challenges, and hopes. How you need to find your way forward requires your own map that you get to write as you go.
So what does a coach do? A good coach does what Professor Grant suggests: they provide direction, but not directions. There are no step by step directions to reach goals that are deeply personal, but there is a direction to which we can orient ourselves. And a good coach doesn’t stop there; they stay with you as an ally as you forge your map together. A good coach is someone who provides direction when you’re feeling stuck, and they do it by helping you find it within yourself.
Witnessing this growth, and this map-making with clients, is a thrill and an honor to witness. I’ve seen people engage in this process with career issues, relationship struggles, self-esteem questions, and many other kinds of personal growth. I also get to learn about parents stretching themselves out of their comfort zones to learn more about their kids, love their kids for who they are, and strengthen their relationships with their kids. Any goal that is grounded in possibility can be reached when we’re willing to slow down, dig deep, and keep our eyes pointed in the right direction.
So maybe, when we think about the goals we want to set in our lives, we leave room in our vision of success for something bigger. Maybe it’s as much about the journey as it is the achievement. Maybe it’s about bouncing back, the terrain we’ve traversed, and the growth we’ve attained. You can still reach the goals you set out to attain (absolutely!), but there might be more to appreciate than that. It’s not just about the performance, it’s about the progress!
If you’re feeling ready to explore your progress, please reach out! Book a complimentary consultation on my booking page here or here. Let’s see what maps we can create together!
