My friends. Here we are, at the threshold of a new time in our country. How new? Not sure. How different? Not sure. In fact, uncertainty seems to be one of the only things that seems to be a constant these days. There are a whole lot of things that might/could/perhaps come to pass in the next four years, but we really don’t know what that means or how it might play out.
As a human being, my heart aches (and rages) for anyone who is feeling threatened under a new government, and as the parent of a transgender child, the core of my heart is a cacophony of klaxon bells. I want to know what to prepare for. I want to know that my child will be safe. I want to know that, come what may, she will be able to continue with her peaceful life, developing into the happy, productive adult she’s on track to be.
But at this moment, I do not know those things with certainty.
As parents, guardians, or people who care for trans and non-binary kids, it’s brutally hard to not know how to plan ahead, especially when a sense of urgency is snapping at our heels. So what do we do now to be as prepared as possible for the future?
I will offer these initial thoughts: get yourself grounded first, and then, if it’s right for your situation, maybe think about legal documentation. That’s as much as we’ll cover in this posting. There will be more topics covered later.
The first thing that I find useful? Get grounded before you take any action. This can be difficult in any situation, but when we’re swimming in a churning sea of emotions, it can sound hopeless. But here’s the thing: we all want to act in ways that we don’t regret, right? The best safeguard I know of against regret is acting intentionally and in our highest integrity, and the best way I know to do that is to build your awareness of where your actions are rooted.
Hurt, fear, rage, or grief are legitimate, important emotions. They also can lead to actions that produce even more hurt, fear, rage, or grief. Feeling these emotions, tending to them, and working through them are compassionate, helpful steps. Putting these emotions in the driver’s seat of our behavior, however, rarely takes us to a healing place.
In a world of uncertainty, we don’t want our actions to introduce more uncertainty into our lives.
In my Nurture Life Coaching blog, I write more about this, and I invite you to check it out to find some suggestions for touching into compassionate handling of these difficult emotions. I very much hope it is helpful.
So. We get aware of the emotions we’re feeling. We name them and breathe into them. I offer the suggestion of doing this a lot, many times a day, as the emotions shift and morph. In the other blog, I also talk about offering kindness to ourselves, and I invite you to do this often as well.
When it feels possible, name the ways you aspire to behave. What values do you want to infuse into your actions? How do you want to be your most upright, intentional self? Write an actual list of personal values, if that helps. When the emotions swell, turn again to that list. This centered place is a safe place to act upon.
There is, of course, a LOT more to discuss about emotional tending. There’s a lot more to talk about on a whole lot of topics. I can’t cover it all in one post, but we can consider it an ongoing conversation.
Because there’s a sense of urgency in the air, I also want to address certain actions that can be considered now, before the new administration takes charge. There are some legal steps that can be taken to protect trans identity that I’d like to direct you toward, in case it pertains to your situation.
The journalist Erin Reed wrote an informative article for The Advocate about taking protective steps to prepare for the years ahead, called “7 Steps For Transgender People Preparing For Federal Crackdowns Under Trump.” I’ll say upfront that I’m mainly directing you to the info about legal documentation. She also talks about medication and healthcare, but as a Life Coach and not a medical expert, I do not recommend or endorse any suggestions about medicine. Please please please talk with your supportive doctor about that.
In closing, I’ll say this: find your people. Pull together with the people you know love you and your special kid. Get support, talk, process, hug. If information is empowering, seek it. If finding a way to relax feels important, do it. If helping others strengthens your heart, help them. Whatever you do, I invite you to do it from that place of upright integrity and personal awareness. There’s one thing we can be certain of in this uncertain world: we are our best selves when we act from that best place. It is there inside of you already, shining steadily, and it’s ready when you are.
If you have questions or want to talk further, I’m here. If you need someone to get your emotions grounded with, we can do that. If you need a hand to hold as you traverse a change of name or gender marker, I can help with that. Or if there’s any other aspect of loving a trans or non-binary person that you need to talk through, I’m here for any of it. Feel free to email me at [email protected], or schedule a complimentary, 20 minute consultation to see if coaching would be right for you. You can also schedule with me through Nurture Life Coaching. There’s a lot ahead of us as parents and advocates, and I’m here to help however I can.
Keep on shining, everyone.
