Daniel really Suits You

If you’re reading this and you love a trans or gender-diverse youth (I’ll use TGD as an abbreviation), you have direct experience with a certain reality: TGD kids are both extraordinary and completely normal. They have the extraordinary experience of existing in the face of staggering social response, and they have the absolutely “normal” experiences that other youth have. They deal with homework, friends, and teachers. They are in school plays and on school teams. They struggle with the usual self-esteem, cooperation, and sense of self that any kid navigates. As parents or caregivers, we know that raising a TGD youth has its unique obstacle courses, but we also know that “gender” is only one aspect of our kid. Sometimes it’s the least interesting thing about a TGD kid; if they’re leading rich lives full of human loves and challenges, “gender” certainly isn’t the defining point of their personality. The key to this being the case? Other people leaving those kids and caregivers alone and letting them simply live their normal, human lives. Not enough people have direct contact with TGD youth. For them, these kids are all mystery, confusion, and oddity (or, too often, a source of moral panic). For anyone that knows and loves a TGD youth, it’s simply a kid you love. That’s why I love this video called “Daniel Really Suits You.”

For people who have never been exposed to a TGD youth (or adult), it’s hard to see past their difference. But truly, the difference is minimal. There are far, far more commonalities that TGD youth share with other kids than there are differences. Gender is a part of every human, and it certainly does affect expectations, assumptions, opportunities, and personalities. How many times have you, dear reader, been told that you can’t do something or behave a certain way because of your gender? Lots? Rarely? It depends on culture, location, religion, and many other factors, but we live in a society that puts guardrails on everyone’s gender. We’re pretty used to that. But we still have many many commonalities between us, simply by being human. Do you feel pain and love? Do you worry? Do you face challenges each day? What music do you like? Do you prefer pizza or burgers? Obviously, I could list a thousand more human ways of being, but you get the point.

The video, Daniel Really Suits You, is a fantastic example of how mundane the day to day life of a TGD youth and their parents can be. There are the usual challenges, and lots and lots of sweetness. If you’re raising a trans daughter, it’s a lot like raising a cis daughter. If you’re raising a trans son, it’s a lot like raising a cis son. And if your child is non-binary, it’s a lot like raising a kid in general. There will be shaving lessons, DMV driving tests, stressful school exams, and fun with friends. 

Daniel Really Suits You is not the most action-packed video, but that’s kind of the point. You get to see the love and support that parents give to their kid. You get to see the kid facing life lessons. There is the stress and sweetness that any family might experience, and none of it, none of it, is defined, prevented, or overwhelmed by the fact that a kid is TGD. It’s just a kid and their parents navigating life. That’s it. There is no “other.” There is no confusion or oddity. It’s just a kid living their life and parents helping them do it. 

How lovely. How mundane. How true. 

If you find yourself relating to this, struggling with this, or wanting to talk more, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Coaching can be a supportive way to navigate experiences and find a way forward through challenges. I offer a no-cost, 20 minute consultation to prospective clients so that they can be sure we’re a good fit in working together. You can also find me at Nurture Life Coaching if further referencing is helpful. Let’s talk!